


The Doctor Dreams

by Im_The_Doctor (Bofur1)



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Nightmares, Post Episode: s01e06 Dalek, Time War Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 13:26:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1005963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bofur1/pseuds/Im_The_Doctor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People have promised<br/>That dreams can come true,<br/>But they forgot to mention:<br/>Nightmares are dreams too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Doctor Dreams

The lurid nightmares came unanticipated and unbidden. Often The Doctor would see his reflection somewhere—against the shiny TARDIS control panel, in the library pool—to find his pale electric-blue eyes bloodshot from too much mourning and too little peace.

The Doctor never told Rose about his dreams. The knowledge would scar her heart and mind—never as deeply as it had scarred his, but enough that he wanted to protect her from it. Rose was smart enough (for a human), but she wasn’t especially canny.

Unbeknownst to Rose, The Doctor had many different smiles. A few were the ‘I’m-excited-be-excited-with-me’ smile, the ‘trying-to-dissolve-the-awkward-moment’ smile, and the ‘please-just-shut-up-it’s-for-your-own-good’ smile. That was the blasé grin, the one he used whenever the Time War was mentioned too regularly. Most of the time it worked, until...

“Why don’t you just drop it?”

“Because I want to understand you better,” Rose pleaded.

“You didn’t need to understand me to come along,” The Doctor muttered dourly.

Rose sighed. “Please, Doctor. I haven’t asked much of you until now, so do this for me!”

The Doctor growled. “Actually, you’ve probably been the most tasking of all my companions! You practically called the Nestene to you the first time we met and remember who rescued you? And then you were almost melted by the sun wave in Year Two-Billion, and then you could have been possessed by the Gelth, and I saved you those times too! You’ve nearly gotten yourself killed every time we go someplace!”

“If I’m such a bother, why’d you let me travel with you in the first place?” Rose demanded.

“Because I—” The Doctor stopped the vulnerable words that would have spewed out. Because he was lonely. Because he suffered.

“That’s what I thought,” Rose declared. “If you can’t tell me that, tell me why you were going to kill that Dalek with no mercy.”

“Mercy?” The Doctor hissed. “The Daleks massacred my family! Do you think _they_ had mercy then? It’s a Dalek for a Time Lord, every Time Lord who died on Gallifrey!

“At night I see the blood swamping the waterways, feel the ash burning my skin. I hear the screams of my people and I hear the Daleks, over and over and over: ‘Exterminate, exterminate!’ And when they were done exterminating they drove their tanks over the crippled bodies!” The Doctor’s passionate outrage abruptly converted. Sinking to the floor, he buried his head in his hands. “There was nothing I could do,” he panted, his voice hitching in anguish. “I had to...” His eyes welled and his chest locked up. There was no noise except his ragged breathing.

Tentative arms slipped around him. Rose rested her forehead against the back of the Doctor’s neck and whispered, “I’m sorry.” Her breath tipped a frisson down his spine, and they both felt him shudder.

That night The Doctor didn’t dare close his eyes. Instead he endeavored to work, eventually ending in irritation when the TARDIS systems refused to respond to even his adept hand.

“No kipping for me tonight,” The Doctor muttered to the telepathic ship, “so don’t bother with—” Stubbornly the lights fell to a dim. With a deep sigh The Doctor rose, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets and setting off. Luckily, traveling the TARDIS was the infinite time waster.

 _Ironic,_ The Doctor mused as he strolled through the metal-paneled halls. _It’s like what Jabe told me...“Stop wasting time, Time Lord.” But what else can I do? What else do I have left?_

“Rose,” The Doctor answered the question so quickly and firmly he was certain it had been someone else to speak. He looked up—and found that he was standing at the entryway to Rose’s room. The Doctor stared at the closed door for a wild, perplexed moment, and then laid his fingertips on the handle.

The Doctor’s eyes rapidly adjusted to the darkness of the bedroom and focused on the sleeping form in the bed. Rose’s golden hair, freed from her usual ponytail, shimmered faintly on the pillow.

Sinking down onto the edge, The Doctor simply stared at her. Rose was unique among the humans. She had been so persistent through all the traumas of the traveling life. The Doctor could feel, see, and understand the vastness of time and space, but he couldn’t understand Rose. Why did she still want to stay?

Whatever the reason, The Doctor was grateful to her. With a quiet sigh he bowed his head. When he lifted it again The Doctor found the bed empty and he heard a voice humming a tune in the main room.

Shaking the sluggish blur of sleep from his brain The Doctor stumbled toward the voice.

Rose noticed his presence and her humming trailed away. “You were out cold. Any nightmares?”

The Doctor shook his head dazedly. “No...nothing...”

“Maybe you just needed to sleep in a different room? Or just some company?” Rose suggested, raising an eyebrow.

With an apologetic half-smile The Doctor commenced a search for a banana.


End file.
